3.2: If a Vase Broke

TW: Mention of Death, Depiction of Panic Attack

3.2

Stellina

The shift in the air makes everyone fall silent, as if a vase broke. Now, only the plants and the birds dare to move, to disturb the eerie stillness.

“What?!” The word bursts from my lips involuntarily. I set down the teapot causing the red liquid to slosh out of its bowels. “The festival? Where did this come from? You were dying. What is going on?”

At last, my thoughts boil over and spill from my mouth. My parents turn to me as if they had forgotten I was even here. My mother utters a quick, shrill sound through her teeth with the intention of silencing me. For the first time in my entire life, I defy her.

“No! No, someone explain this to me! For once in my entire, sheltered life, tell me what in Zela’s name is going on!” I exclaim, the passion in my voice causing me to clamber upright. But as soon as I finish my sentence, I realise my mistake. I should never have cursed our God.

Elix and my father visibly wince. Xada looks like he is on the verge of passing out again. Rixa’s eyes dart to my mother as they mutter ‘yeeks’ under their breath. My mother gasps, her face turning furious. Her deep blue eyes narrow into slits as she sucks in a deep breath. I brace myself for the reprimanding of my life. Rixa quickly intervenes with a quick tap and a swoosh to position themselves between us. They look my mother in the eyes and say,

“Lia. Your daughter just experienced something traumatic. Remember when we saw that for the first time? You wanted answers just as much as she does. You can snap at her all you want later, but now, let us hear what Xada has to say.” Rixa speaks soothingly with caution. My mother looks reluctant to back down, but when she looks at me again, her expression shifts to one of hurt. My gut twists with guilt.

“You are right. Of course. Xada?” My mother relents, her demeanour softening. Her gaze lingers on me for a moment longer before returning her attention to my tutor. Xada blinks heavily, then explains,

“Yes, um…I will answer Stellina first, for clarification.

“Two centuries ago, I was chosen by the previous seer of Lumnia to carry on her duty when she passed. This much you know. Since I undertook her role, I have experienced visions. Typically, they are quite mild; a threat of a wild animal eating our berries, for example.” As Xada explains, he allows Elix to help him onto the couch and he slumps against the armrest, clearly drained. Nevertheless, he continues,

“However, sometimes they show me disastrous events. When these are shown to me, the time between the vision and the event itself is quite fluctuating. Sometimes I see it months before, sometimes days, and once, unfortunately, minutes.” A sombre mood passes through the room following these words. My parents bow their heads to shade their expressions. Elix brings his hand to his chest and then to his forehead, shaped in a circle. A prayer to the moon goddess, Uwaz. The tension thickens around me, although I do not know the reason for its forming.

“The seizure-like attack you witnessed a few moments ago was a showing of a disastrous event,” As always, Xada ignores the state of the room, “Typically, when the images are vivid or…startling, my body cannot handle it, and that occurs.

“The last time I had a vision this strong was twenty-one years ago, four years before you were born, Stellina. However, I believe this event concerns more lives than the previous occasion.” Xada’s explanation comes to a close and I glance at my parents. Unwillingly, I flinch in shock when I see the expressions on their faces.

My mother’s lips are set in a frown, but it wavers unsteadily, as if she is struggling to regain composure. When I peer at my father, it feels like a shard of ice pierces into my stomach. Tears fall from his strong jaw, onto the marbled floor.

“It is worse?” My mother’s voice is like gravel. I have never seen nor heard my parents like this. Normally, my mother is calm and composed, and my father is the jovial one. My attention flits between my parents and Xada. I sense a solemn exchange takes place between the two groups, from which I am excluded. Somehow, I am not surprised. Xada nods,

“Horribly so. I will explain in detail later when…” His eyes flick to me. His sentence does not need to be finished. It takes all my willpower not to roll my eyes.

“Xada,” Rixa warns, pushing themselves forward. I feel a small glimmer of hope return as they intervene on my behalf. But Xada shakes his head,

“Not today, Rixa. I will tell her tomorrow, once the King, Queen, and I figure out how to handle the situation, but not today.” Rixa sends an apologetic look in my direction before creeping backwards once more to be by Elix’s side. I had assumed as much, and though it infuriates me, I understand. I am still just the princess of Lumnia.

“Lianora, your gracious, I am afraid we should have listened to the Light Elves. To Queen Ilias,” Xada cautions, rubbing his thumbs. I did not think it could, but my shock intensifies when blood rushes into my father’s cheeks, and he takes an involuntary step forward. My mother grabs his shaking arm in an effort to calm him, but my father responds in a shout,

“You know what they did! You know what happened!” I find myself sinking into the couch beside me, my breath quickening. Nothing they are saying is making any sense. What did the light elves do? I never thought to question our strained relationship with them. I had assumed it was because of their belief in their superiority over all races. Was there more to it? My thoughts materialise into real entities, colliding into the walls of my mind like caged birds. They suffocate one another as they grow and multiply. A fire in my heart rises to meet it with the booming question of: why do I know nothing about it?

Clearly, information is being held back from me. I could tell from the vague words they were all using: ‘they did’, ‘what happened’, ‘that event’. They did not want to scare me. Or, worse, they did not trust me.

Xada raises his hands lightly in response to my father’s outburst,

“I know. I was there. But from what I saw…those flowers, they are a great danger to our future. They will cause the death of everyone in this room, in this city, in all the elven tribes. We need to call off the festival at once and destroy the nightshade flowers, your Highnesses.”

A chill passes through me. What did he see? Why was he being so vague? If everyone were to die in this room, I deserved to know. I stare at each person here fiercely, ingraining their face into my memory as if this were the last time I would see them alive.

My mother’s stare bores into the floor. Her mouth moves awkwardly as she chews on her inner lip. My father wipes his tears furiously with one hand, using the other to rub my mother’s back. I rise to my feet, feeling dizzy and swaying slightly.

So much information has been revealed, my perception of the past twists at every word. My emotions overwhelm me, causing every new sensation to feel like a handful of needles pushing into my skin. So much shown, yet so much held back. We were all meant to die, yet we did not know how. It was fate with no explanation or way out.

My thoughts scream at me, making the room sound loud even though I know it is deathly silent. Around us, the world passes by. The sun still gleams warmly into the room, the water still runs along the bridges, business continues as usual. No one speaks, though I have many questions I could ask to fill the stillness. Something lies heavy in the atmosphere, urging me to halt in my place, urging me to be still.

At last, my mother stands up straight, assuming her position as Queen of Lumnia. Queen of the Star Elves.

“Rixa, Elix, ask Tevo to deliver a message to Kagami, Aruna, and Fantomnia. He is to inform them that the festival is cancelled, regrettably, and that more information will follow. He is to also request that their supplies of nightshade flowers be exterminated using any method possible.” Her voice is steady and strong; the practised voice of a diplomat. I stare at her with wide eyes as my mind seems to spin in my skull. The festival was off. This was really happening.

Xada lets out a deep sigh, the tension in the room falls with his breath as Elix and Rixa rise to action. Elix bows to my parents before he leaves the room. His footsteps gradually fade away until they are no longer audible. Rixa shakes their head and it only takes a glance at Xada for him to reassure them that he will explain everything later. They sigh and kiss my cheek before they follow Elix down the glass corridors. It feels lonely, watching them go, and I have a strange feeling of missing them.

“Stellina,” My mother begins. I turn, hoping for something, anything, but expecting nothing at all, “I believe you have a music lesson to attend. After which, you may treat yourself to supper and retire to your room for the night. Thank you for pouring Xada’s tea.” The hope within me dies completely and I look upon three of the most important people in my life as enemies instead of family.

“That is it? But-” I start to protest. My father quickly cuts in,

“Stellina. Listen to your mother.” I look to Xada as a last resort, but he merely raises his eyebrows and inclines his head to the door. Traitors. With a noise of frustration, I turn on my heel and leave. My only hope is that the sound of my echoing footsteps would stir a sense of guilt in their hearts.

Water fills my eyes as I walk along the glass corridors. A guard tries to stop me to ask a question. Another skitters away. Before a single tear falls, I turn to the wall nearest me and drive my fist into it. My power flows through my hand and hits the wall with a crackle of blue sparks. Not caring if there is any effect, I shake off my stinging knuckles and sink to the floor, curling my head into my knees.

He said I would die. He said we would all die.

I did not want this to be the end. There was so much to look forward to.

Doubt rises within me as I ponder my life. My repetitive, lonely, sheltered life. My parents who are gone most of the time. My only friends being my teacher’s partners. My life built around whispers and dead-ends.

There was so much to look forward to, was there not?

I feel myself crumple but take no notice of it. Time passes, and yet it stands still. Guards rush around me, clambering for answers and a medic. My cheeks are wet and my throat is sore. The world is bright until it goes dark. I curl up in sheets, and nothing happens.